Beautifully written as usual and really spoke to me. I'm going through a lot of the same stuff: not enjoying the work, a lot of days of subpar results, feeling beaten down rather than built up, having trouble as I slog through the muggy morning miles - always without enough sleep - in coming up with a compelling reason why I'm doing this.
Sure, I believe in the value of getting out of your comfort zone and testing yourself, driving yourself to be the best you can be. But after years and years of that on the pavement and trails, in pusuit of slight decreases in a set of arbitrary numbers, at a very significant opportunity cost (and monetary cost)... Well... There are other ways.
Maybe my attitude will change with the weather. The next few days look great, just in time to see about pushing the tempo for a long run, and soon come the sweetest running weeks of the year.
And maybe my attitude will change with a new pair of kicks from my new favorite shoe company.
Or maybe not. Either way, after MCM there will be a few weeks of rest and reflection. Probably haul the camera out and try something different for a while. And that could very well launch me with renewed vigor into a new running cycle with a new goal.
Or maybe not. It does not feel inevitable, or even close, as it once did.
At least I'll have great shoes.
Go find your happy place, Gonzo. May it reveal itself soon.