Rob: What the hell does it look like I’m doing? I’m blooping.
Sweet Mags: Good golly! I haven’t heard you talk about those losers- er I mean Loopsters in like a hot minute.
Rob: Well, if you recollect last year was a bust. I ran like 3 miles total last year after screwing up my back. Didn’t even get to go to Rehoboth to spectate in a sparkle skirt cause I was sicker than a dog. Sad times.
Sweet Mags: Oh yeah, I remember you whining about that. Well, I know you’re running again because I can smell your clothes. Gosh, I’ll remember the good times when your undies didn’t fill the house with the smell of hot garbage. I mean, I guess you’re in a better mood and less of an asshole now that you’re running again.
Rob: Not just running. Also, sleeping and lifting.
Sweet Mags: Lifting my turds out of the litter box?
Rob: Weights, jerkface. Since December. It’s been a real blessing, Sweet Mags. It’s like all I had to do is get a lot of good sleep, lift weights, eat reasonably and the running came back. Sweet Mags! The running came back.
Sweet Mags: Get a hold of yourself!!!!!!
Rob: Never! It’s called a runner’s high and I’ll do anything for another hit. Even bench press with the meat heads and go to sleep early.
Sweet Mags: You’ve gone mad. Mad!
Rob: Anyway, it hasn’t all been good. There was that incident with the HOKAs.
Sweet Mags: The marshmallow shoes?
Rob: Yep. The shoes some people call hookahs and not in an ironic way.
Sweet Mags: They were almost as fugly as your Altras.
Rob: Don’t talk about my Altras. That’s a line you do not cross.
Sweet Mags: So what was the deal with the marshmallow shoes.
Rob: Well, you know I get a good discount at the running store I work at on the weekends.
Sweet Mags: Why can’t you work at a pet store and get me discounts?
Rob: Cause people who have pets are insane.
Sweet Mags: I mean, you have a valid point.
Rob: Anyway, I bought a pair of Hoka Bondi. You know cause the damn Clifton 5 is still to narrow for my hobbit foot. One run in and my knee was screaming. Not only that, but I felt like I was going to trip over my feet with every other stride. It was a nightmare. So I took them home and burned them in a sacrifice to the running gods.
Sweet Mags: Did you make s’mores out of them?
Rob: You know I can’t lie to you. I returned them and exchanged them for Saucony Triumph 5’s.
Sweet Mags: That’s my boy
Rob: Thankfully, the Saucony got their shit together after the very disappointing 4’s.
Sweet Mags: The Triumphs are cool, but you know I’m a barefoot runner. I don’t need to be shod with shoes that are just going to impede my performance.
Rob: The barefoot movement died.
Sweet Mags: You died!
Rob: Shut it!
Sweet Mags: I’ve already ran 6 hundos this year.
Rob: I’ve ran about thirteen miles in January and about that much in February and I couldn’t be happier. I did my first threasy in over a year tonight!
Sweet Mags: What do you want, a cookie?
Rob: A couple of eggs and a Greek yogurt would be bomb.
Sweet Mags: Greek yogurt tastes like ass.
Rob: You should know. Ok dude, I gotta finish this bloop. Go chase your tail.
Sweet Mags: Tell the Loopsters they suck. I’m OUT!