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I Struggle


ocrunnergirl

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BTW -- ocrunnergirl = fivestarks

Wondering if I should just have Cliff change me back to fivestarks. I like ocrunnergirl better because that's who I feel I am - a girl who grew up in Ocean City. Also belatedly I realized that it could stand for Obstacle Course (runner girl) but that was not intended.

____

My healing from the hamstring tear has been fraught with ups and downs.

One PT tells me I'm fine to do anything that doesn't hurt. The next tells me that I can only do 1 mile 3 times a week. <== I kicked that one to the curb.

I finished my 12 sessions of PT, but they recommended another 12 sessions. I'm calling it graduate school. I'm actually not struggling with this. If they want to point out my weaknesses and tell me how to fix them I'm all for it!

I've started a very loose Higdon beginners plan to get me to be able to finish the Rehoboth 1/2. I started it late because who knew December was less than 12 weeks away?? I struggle with how many races I've DNS'd.

First week called for running 15 miles total. I ran 6.1 of those miles. Ellipticaled, stairclimbed and rowed the other ones. I struggle with being smart.

It seems not all of my speed has left me. I managed an 8:44 mile one day when running alternating light posts fast and slow.

Two days ago I ran 4 at the park where I tore my hamstring. I wanted to be fast. I wasn't. I was in between and it didn't feel good. I struggle with remembering my paces and # of miles last year.

I had my 1st session of Graduate PT yesterday. I told the PT about some pain in my hamstring. He graston'ed a little and said he felt it was just from my leg not being used to running. Thought I was okay to keep running - smaller steps, Chi running.

My friend called and asked if I wanted to do a short run. Before PT I would've said no. I taped my leg and we ran a glorious 2 miles. It was slow. We chatted. It was perfect.

I have so many hopes and dreams, but right now I don't know what to do with them.

My strength is at an all time high due to cross training. As long as I can keep my running progressing I feel I could run a great Obstacle Course race. I'm signed up for one Dec. 9th, but with my friends and family. So a fun run. I could sign up for one in North Jersey in November but it's hilly and hills are not my hamstring's friend right now. I'm not willing to have another setback. I struggle with being too competitive.

There's a marathon in Vegas in April of next year that I'd love to sign up for - Revel Mt. Charleston. I'm in no position to think about signing up for anything other than a 5k right now.

With the Loop shutting down it was painful to walk down memory lane and see how fast I was and how far I had come. I struggle with feeling like I will never return to that.

The PTs keep telling me I may look young but my muscles are those of a 50 year old. I also found out I have flat feet and should be wearing orthotics. Seriously? :S I struggle with getting old.

I struggle with all of these being FWP.

 

 

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I know the feeling of many of these struggles... take it from someone who has been there, it DOES get better. That doesn't help much in the moment, I know. :( But when you come back and discover your full strength again, you will be amazed at how much stronger your mind is because of the things you went through... and then the physical only follows. And the victory is doubly sweet. You are strong and you will get back there, Gwen. Hugs! 

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They ALWAYS say we need orthotics.

So glad you got a glorious two. Pulling for complete return to the muscles of a 30 year old!

 

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21 hours ago, Gonzo Runner said:

Looks like it may be, April 29 next year.  Oh well, will let you know anyway and we'll see. I'd be doing the half if she decides to run it. 

If I don't do LV I'll do the 1/2. There are some rumblings from KRG about running NJ too.

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Ooh, I could be down for Vegas.

You're coming back from injury in a smart way. Stay the course! You may have 50 year old muscles but you have 20 year old speed! 

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Finding meaning in the struggle is what makes life interesting.  Give your self time to get back some of the speed your injury robbed you of.

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